i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
