..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
