Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
