I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize