Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He passed out mid-signature
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
