I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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