I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
