like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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