I cockslap morals
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
