I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
