i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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