i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize