And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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