Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
