he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have fence marks all over my body
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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