can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
