the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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