State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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