I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So many bounce houses so little time
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize