i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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