i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
