The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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