at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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