Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
