I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
