I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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