Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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