Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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