i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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