I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
