i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
