Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
