My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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