I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
