'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Randomize
