I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
