Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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