I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize