My hand turned me down
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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