she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
