I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
