he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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