im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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