I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
