Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
