she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
