dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
