watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
