My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
