vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
