I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
