I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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