i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im holly from the hills drunk
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
