Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
