I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize