Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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