Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
