im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
