My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
