lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
