Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
