3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize