I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
