spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
