I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
