Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
