soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
