hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Hippo gnu deer
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize