just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
