This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
