My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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