At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize