..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
