I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
