were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
