I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
ttyl tear gas
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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