He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize