You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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