This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
