They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
