if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
