Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
