Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
