Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
