he wants to bone in the snuggie
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
COCAINE IS GR8
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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