Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
