She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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