You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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