What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
